Speakout#20 - Spiritual Self Pride & Ego

I've come across people who have a prayerful life or spiritual knowledge but often do not put it into actual use and turn it to wisdom but bloat about it and expect to float nicely in life and exhort their claimed prowess over whoever they want.

They think that they do all that is needed to satisfy the Almighty above and their deeds have brought the goodness around and no one else they co exist with have a hand in them with their actions.

These people have not tried to see everyone equally but judge everyone with prejudice. Their thoughts are the principles of life. Those who give heed to them blindly are blessed and the rest will meet trouble in their way soon. The Living God will punish whoever they feel won't go their way. At times, trouble does fall upon the ones they keep ill thoughts against and they take it as God's judgement and are pleased with it. Sadistic, they do not even think for a moment keeping ill thoughts lets evil play around too. Unfortunately, everything they do is justified.

These thoughts shared probably have a damp and negative aura surfacing but take a moment, reflect yourselves and recognise how much we ignore our faults while evaluating others for theirs every second and accuse them thinking 'because their fault is not as same as  mine so give them some cleansing, I'm fine'.

I believe Karma applies along with faith for a good spiritual life. Smile. Share goodness. Stop bickering just because things do not go the way you want. Stop forcing your burdening thoughts on others and make them drown.

SpeakOut#19 - What happened after I went to attend an exam in a different way? 'The hidden life changing experience'

Have you ever felt your sub consciousness or inner self? Have you ever felt the presence of a being unseen that is around you that takes care of you? A life changing experience.

I believe I have. The day I had my accident on the way to write my exam. The day when many people prayed for me.  The day when I gained consciousness uttering the Vespers without knowledge of the time and the place. That day.

I'm sharing here what I've shared to only some people and tried to share but couldn't to much more. The incident that changed me first without notice and which I realised later. Like every other good thing that happened to me in life.

Darkness. Moving in a void. Feeling that I'm being held safely. Smiling within. Feeling a presence that holds me from behind. Feeling warm. Feeling that I'm let go to wake up when ready. Feeling tears go down slowly and hear myself say 'Kurielaison'* and I sang

'Arhikkaatha nanmakalkkum enikkekidum daya nidhe... Yaachikkatha nanmakal polumee enikkekuvone sthuthi...'**

'You grant me your goodness which I don't deserve, O Merciful One... O One who has given me the goodness which I've never asked for, Glory to You...'**

Light enters. Eyes open slowly. Scanning the place. Silence.

I saw people lying unconscious in beds around. I realised I was in a hospital. A nurse came towards me suddenly saying something not clear. I started to hear then and I realised I heard myself talking along with her voice. I tried to concentrate and I heard myself saying a prayer which was from the Vespers.

I paused. I had come to realise I had an accident and I asked the nurse about what happened and where I was and the time. By the time, she was done explaining, another nurse came and inserted a syringe into my arm and I dozed off.

When I woke up later, I found myself repeatedly chanting Kurielaison*. Not stopping the chant, I looked around for anyone conscious from the patients and there was an old lady to my right side who lay looking into the space above and she noticed me and her eyes changed her direction towards me looking confused (probably from hearing the chants) and I smiled and took my turn to look at the space above for a while and close my eyes. Knowing that I had experienced something which I couldn't explain clearly in words but filled me with a spiritual re-awakening.

Like this, I woke up many a times feeling strengthened and renewed; chanting Kurielaison and a prayer which I had learned from Pampady Dayara*** which later I realised was the Jesus prayer.

This experience brought a spiritual growth in me and a new way in how I saw the spiritual life which I probably had as an acquired knowledge but not being able to use it earlier.

Glory be to God. Kurielaison. God bless us +

*A greed word meaning 'Lord, have mercy upon us' used often in Orthodox Prayers.

** Lines from a Malayalam Christian devotional song.called 'Nanniyode Njan Sthuthi Paadidum'
*** A monastic ashram in Pampady, Kottayam built by Late Kuriakose Mar Gregorios a.k.a. Pampady Thirumeni, a bishop from the Indian Orthodox Church.

SpeakOut#18 - Spending time with Children with no Inhibitions! Part 2

And like we said, we came to M. G. M. Bethany Shanti Bhavan the next day!

Again, the children overwhelmed us by taking us into their home. All of us wondered how we could spend time with the children, whether it would be helping them out with some activity or playing games with them. What we found there however was a cultural program all prepared already by the children there and all we were asked to do is to sit and watch and be among them as they performed.

At that moment, I realised we call them 'differently abled'. It is not because their skills or abilities are a level lesser than anyone else's but because they have much different talents and skills from a normal person.

There were singers like nightingales among them! There were dancers who moved to the rhythm of music so beautifully where if we had tried we would have looked like crazy ducks dancing to the sight of water! There were state level volleyball and throwball players amongst them! We just couldn't cover their list of talents. They were great!

We talked to them and discussed about ourselves and they were so keen in making more friends. After executing the befriending task, they took us around their school showing different places where they are taught, what they do and can do. While most of us say do or learn what you have an interest for yet we learn the most usual and boring of things which is basically stuff that is taught from a syllabus at school. However, they were taught according to their skills and talents which they had and those which they could improve.

 We had a play time where we played throwball with them and they won ;) and also other games! It felt so good spending time doing the most innocent of things, playing like a child. It brought us back a gift we had felt long back and lost in the course of time.

While leaving, the children there were confused learning that we planned to leave at the end of the day. They concluded by their innocence that 'ofcourse they have to go home but they would be back here the next day, wouldn't they?'. None of us had the mind to break their heart so we said we would be back soon. Yet, the brightest and smallest of them all, Appu knew what was happening and she left us with her face swelling up due to the rush of feelings but she came back to see us again. When our bus started moving, she did shout a couple of times and when tears filled her again, she left running away.

Ofcourse, we knew this would happen from the way she was with us and binded with us from her visit at college. Yes, Appu was the star among the representatives who came to visit us the previous day. A couple of us left the bus and went back to the school with a huge pack of chocolates and found her at a corner sitting and not wanting to talk. The sisters called her and told to see who had come but she wouldnt wanna see anyone again who would  leave them so soon. But then when we called, she recognised the voices and came back bursting with a huge smile and we gave her the chocolates and told her to share it with her friends at school till the next time we returned. Her face was gleaming and it was a sweetening touch to a hard goodbye until next time.

And I would like to repeat again,

We met kids with no inhibitions; knowing only to love and share! Many moments of wonder, joy and care! Children with many talents who weren't afraid to show it! Giving away what they have to one another which made the world around them look so fair! 

God bless them :)

SpeakOut#17 - Spending time with Children with no Inhibitions! Part 1

Last year at June, my friends and I from college shared a very touching experience in life when we went to spend time with diffrently abled children at the M. G. M. Bethany Shanti Bhavan, Kadamankulam, a place near Mallapally, Pathanamthitta, Kerala. 

M. G. M. Bethany Shanti Bhavan, Kadamankulam

It was part of a Community Outreach Intiative we took from our department at college as our first activity for the year. The thought of doing a good deed and using our time for such an activity itself inspired us to search around for a place which could show students different ways of life. And so we found out M. G. M. Bethany Shanti Bhavan.

Like usual work done around, we collected contributions from well wishers and students and provided the children  with study materials at the School run by the Shanti Bhavan according to their needs. Something we that we learnt at the school was that there is much more value and good done by spending time with the children and being a part of their life than just providing books and pencils. This was also voiced out by Sister Mercilette, the In charge of the Bhavan who we were in touch with; when she came to visit us at college after receiving our invite.

These kids do not need sympathy from you. What they need is your empathy. They are no different from us being God's children. We are all talented in different ways. - Sister Mercilette

Sister Mercilette had a surprise for us when she came to see us first at college. She brought her representatives along from the School. Five cheerful and bubbly students :) They befriended us so fast when we thought we would have to approach them and make the attempt first. These kids were so cheerful that it was a burst of smiles and happiness everywhere at the department that day! After welcoming them to our college, we promised them we would go and meet the rest of the children at their School the next day and made the trip as said.

We met kids with no inhibitions; knowing only to love and share! Many moments of wonder, joy and care! Individuals with many talents who werent afraid to show it!

SpeakOut#16 - The different way I went to attend an exam

My final semester University exams began on April 15th.

I won't be attending it this time though because I had an accident the same day it started.
I made a move so a car that came my way wouldn't hit me or a man walking aside wouldn't get hit. 

Both of them were safe. It gave me a head injury which wasn't massive.
Damage is inside. Skull crack and blood clot. Just abrasions on head and hand.

I got admitted to a hospital for 5 days through which I missed 3 papers.

The news spread fast and from the moment I was taken for treatment, my relatives and friends kept getting so many calls.
My parents were broken at the moment then. They're fine now. 

I brought a major shock to a lot of people. They kept telling me that.

My smile assured a lot of people that I would be fine. 

That's what got everyone along in between when I was shifted from hospitals after the accident.

I opened my eyes and I saw all my relatives and friends together and smiled at them and said Hi and asked how they were doing. It made them happy so they knew it wouldn't be all bad.

Everyone said I'm doing well because of a multitude of prayers.

It was only when I gained consciousness in the ICU that I realised what had happened completely.

Amma was all distraught when she was in Abu Dhabi. She reached here fine, thanks to our relatives and friends and her co-workers there. When she got to see me in ICU and saw me smile and identify her even when she was covered in mask, I believe She understood I'll be fine.
Appa was stuck in between the rush too but thanks to our relatives again, he did well too.

Hehe, all my friends and family kept telling my parents that too many good things kept happening to me so 'aarandu kannu vechatha'* (hehe) but yes, it hasn't gone critical due to God's grace and all the prayers which are still coming.

I was like some guy in some inspirational comedy movie when I woke up in the ICU realising what all happened and experiencing the after effects (hehe). I wish someone would have recorded all the things I remembered and I did in the ICU and stuff. It really made me and whoever heard me smile.

Because of all this, in the ICU I realised how precious my life is by not what it means to me what how it means to others I guess.

I understood my family and friends and teachers meant a lot to me when I remember how happy I was when I saw them during the shift from a hospital.

I remember I do have a spiritual self when I woke up in the ICU actually praying halfway and finishing it.

I understood although I'm scared of death, my death is of no meaning to me but it worries me only cos Ill miss everyone else.

And about my studies, well in a minute's matter I remembered I do have time but how much I will do later is not sure.

I know I want to speak more but some words are missing from my mind.

(I've been having some words forgotten from my usual usage ever since the accident. It will take time.)

I know my friends and family are my inspiration now.
These moments are rare and I feel that this was all meant to happen.
Thank God. Thanks to everyone's prayer and care. Keep doing it. :) I will too.

SpeakOut#15 - Back with a Rebrand

I'm making an attempt again to get back to blogging after the huge writer's block that put me down.

I moved my blog here as part of renewing myself. After all, it is a new year.

I'll be sharing experiences that I came across earlier but couldn't share in time.

Anyways, food for thought.

A while back, I was sharing an inspirational message written by my friend Obed from Philippines who is a young prodigy who voices his opinions for cultural excellence for the youth and his nation. I've mentioned him earlier in one of my posts.

Anyways, I shared his message among some groups online to give the inspiration I felt but what I received from one of the groups was a comment from a person that 'did I have only to share about some Filipino and  had I not heard about Gandhi and A. P. J. Kalam?'. This disappointed me because there I was trying to share something to give a thought and brighten one's evening and he foiled the initiative probably to prove what? His hypocrisy, maybe.

To inspire someone or share such a work doesn't need to be done by all the huge life figures we have always heard in life. It can be done by anybody who does a good work. Your family, friends and people around you. The chances are endless. Promote it.

P. S. Here's the link to Obed's message. <- Click

Poem#10- The Journey, Its Lesson

its raining, its cold
the wind surrounds me, but still i can feel the light
its the change thats coming, the change in seasons,
its still dark and cold, but i aint staying in fright

i dont declare that i'm great
nor try to persuade that i'm something more or less
all i need are your prayers, a great deal of them,
that i be by God and you, so blessed

i'm in a journey
where its fatigue i have and no sleep
because its revival i search for,
i'm commited for it, and that i'll reap

those demons of time,
who come and creep
so jobless, they want me down
but i've learned more, felt whats there down deep

i'm prepared, they can't do anything
they'll just try and have to whine,
because i've fought and will more,
its with even bigger trouble with which, i've dined

i can feel it getting warmer
do you think its becoming fine?
i know that i've travelled a lot and enough
but still i'm not sure, am i near the finish line?

its springtime now,
its done, now i'll be free
the time, the moment,
has come, most awaited by me

welcome, the sunshine says
and now i can last
for long with peace,
not being called again by my past

your prayers, my will
thats what brought me here,
you were the one, that made my will,
yes its true, dear

it was a hard time to learn, that all
what was needed was something forgetten in this world
something that needed to be followed by everyone,
but not jus preached by word

it is what, that i claim
that i have for her,
but has to be given,
to everyone, starting from my misunderstood brother

all i want now,
is that others see their spring too,
suffer less than i did,
but reach their destination, along with learning the truths