Have you ever felt your sub consciousness or inner self? Have you ever felt the presence of a being unseen that is around you that takes care of you? A life changing experience.
I believe I have. The day I had my accident on the way to write my exam. The day when many people prayed for me. The day when I gained consciousness uttering the Vespers without knowledge of the time and the place. That day.
I'm sharing here what I've shared to only some people and tried to share but couldn't to much more. The incident that changed me first without notice and which I realised later. Like every other good thing that happened to me in life.
Darkness. Moving in a void. Feeling that I'm being held safely. Smiling within. Feeling a presence that holds me from behind. Feeling warm. Feeling that I'm let go to wake up when ready. Feeling tears go down slowly and hear myself say 'Kurielaison'* and I sang
'Arhikkaatha nanmakalkkum enikkekidum daya nidhe... Yaachikkatha nanmakal polumee enikkekuvone sthuthi...'**
'You grant me your goodness which I don't deserve, O Merciful One... O One who has given me the goodness which I've never asked for, Glory to You...'**
Light enters. Eyes open slowly. Scanning the place. Silence.
I saw people lying unconscious in beds around. I realised I was in a hospital. A nurse came towards me suddenly saying something not clear. I started to hear then and I realised I heard myself talking along with her voice. I tried to concentrate and I heard myself saying a prayer which was from the Vespers.
I paused. I had come to realise I had an accident and I asked the nurse about what happened and where I was and the time. By the time, she was done explaining, another nurse came and inserted a syringe into my arm and I dozed off.
When I woke up later, I found myself repeatedly chanting Kurielaison*. Not stopping the chant, I looked around for anyone conscious from the patients and there was an old lady to my right side who lay looking into the space above and she noticed me and her eyes changed her direction towards me looking confused (probably from hearing the chants) and I smiled and took my turn to look at the space above for a while and close my eyes. Knowing that I had experienced something which I couldn't explain clearly in words but filled me with a spiritual re-awakening.
Like this, I woke up many a times feeling strengthened and renewed; chanting Kurielaison and a prayer which I had learned from Pampady Dayara*** which later I realised was the Jesus prayer.
This experience brought a spiritual growth in me and a new way in how I saw the spiritual life which I probably had as an acquired knowledge but not being able to use it earlier.
Glory be to God. Kurielaison. God bless us +
Like this, I woke up many a times feeling strengthened and renewed; chanting Kurielaison and a prayer which I had learned from Pampady Dayara*** which later I realised was the Jesus prayer.
This experience brought a spiritual growth in me and a new way in how I saw the spiritual life which I probably had as an acquired knowledge but not being able to use it earlier.
Glory be to God. Kurielaison. God bless us +
*A greed word meaning 'Lord, have mercy upon us' used often in Orthodox Prayers.
** Lines from a Malayalam Christian devotional song.called 'Nanniyode Njan Sthuthi Paadidum'*** A monastic ashram in Pampady, Kottayam built by Late Kuriakose Mar Gregorios a.k.a. Pampady Thirumeni, a bishop from the Indian Orthodox Church.
